Dating, “Generation Y” Style: Should We Go ‘Social Media-official’?

*The author is a young woman born on 1991, thus making her a Generation Y, or “a person who reaches adulthood around the turn of 21st century”.

Dating has never been easy throughout the ages.

A few years ago, the dating scheme would still revolve around questions like “Who pays for the first date?” “Do I look presentable with this outfit for my first date?” or “Should I make a move first?”

Nowadays, the three questions still remains; however, more questions seem to arise, such as “This is our fifth date, does this mean we’re officially an item?”, “When should I ask her/him to move in?”, “When should we talk about sex and our boundaries?”, “We kissed on our third date, we reached second base on our sixth date, does that mean we’re dating?”, “Should I say the L-word to her?”, and the last but not least, “Should we go Facebook/Instagram/other social media official?”

The last one really piques my interest.

As a Generation Y, I live with social media. So far, I have Facebook, Instagram, Path (a social media popular among Indonesians), and Reddit account. I have considered myself to be ‘social media savvy’ enough with these accounts, although some people may still think I’m living under a rock because I don’t have Snapchat, Kik, Periscope, or Tinder account. It would be a lie if I said that I didn’t think social media as an important thing in my life. Through social media, I have the freedom to know my friends’ activities, and I also have the right to let people see or unsee my online presence.

The term “Facebook official” has been around since a few years ago. That time, the world was still in shock to know that we could actually show our relationship status online. Not just that, we could also tag the person whom we had our relationship with. I used to have a “Facebook official” relationship with my ex around 6 years ago. We were still in high school back then, and Facebook was still the hippest thing ever, of course it would be a shame if we didn’t go Facebook official!

It was something that ended along with our relationship a year later.

Nowadays, people don’t use Facebook official status anymore, but they tend to show that they’re going steady with posting their pictures with their partner on social media. I will hereby mention this phenomena as “going social media official”.

I don’t really blame the social media official couple. Really, I don’t. Deep inside, I always feel happy to see pictures of new couples, especially if it’s their first time going social media official and their friends begin to congratulate them on the comment box. It shows that other people still have the ability to be happy to hear someone else’s good news, right? However, my criticism starts when a couple breaks up, and with their relationship going off, so does their pictures on social media. They all disappear without any trace!

I recently encountered this kind of event. I was logging on Twitter, then I found a friend who posted a status that said she’s back to being single. I was a little bit startled because I knew this girl went out with my other college friend, and they had been going out for more than a year. Finally, out of curiosity, I went to her Instagram feed because I knew she liked uploading pictures with her then-boyfriend.

I was right. There were no pictures of them anymore.

Which left me with a very simple question dedicated to social media official couples out there: “When you’re in love, why did you shove your pictures to your online friends, only end up deleting them once the relationship is off?”

Forgive me if I’m wrong, but this shows how easy it is for Generation Y people to not treasure a relationship that lies just between the two of them. Personally, I’m the kind of person who doesn’t like to brag about my personal life, like… showing my boyfriend’s face on social media (Doesn’t mean that I’m on a relationship now!). I’d rather share the relationship just with him, or with people that matter around me like my family or my bestest friends. Therefore, I don’t think uploading pictures with my significant other as an important thing to do on social media, because I love having him only for me, and I love having the relationship only for the both of us.

Enough about me. Yes, that’s what I’m feeling lately. People begin to show their relationship on social media just for the sake of the likes and the comments. It’s not about the core of relationship anymore. When you’re thrilled on your first date, you write a status about it. When you’re having your first fight, you cry about it on social media. Eventually, when you break up, you delete all the pictures and the videos with your ex-partner. Why should you do that?

It’s your call to go social media official or not. However, just be responsible. Not everyone likes their relationship to become a public consumption. If your partner is the kind of person who falls into that category, respect their choice. And if you decide to go social media official, know the boundaries which memories are worth posting online, and which one is not. The most important thing is to keep the love alive between both of you, because you’re the only ones who are in the relationship.

Moral of the story: Don’t put too many pictures while you’re dating on social media. Once the relationship breaks off, of course you can delete the pictures, but can you really delete the memories?

To end this post, I’d like to post a video that hits you right in the feels, especially if your relationship is on online presence. I hope this will straighten my point of an online relationship for Generation Y.


36 komentar pada “Dating, “Generation Y” Style: Should We Go ‘Social Media-official’?”

  1. Talll… maybe I’m a semi? Haha.
    I mean I don’t post personal stuff like fightings etc, but I do share pictures of special moments (always happy ones! Or even silly ones) here and there, but not so often that will make people sick of our face. Heck I post more my cat’s photos compared to Mike’s.
    As of deletion of photos could be a number of reason. I kept all the photos and albums of my ex to start with and (we were still friends by that point) he started to really irritate and anger me — there goes our friendship in Facebook and real life, then the photo follows. I want no trace especially with the whole On This Day feature on Facebook that reminds me of my bad decisions hahaha. I am much more calmer remembering the people I dated, without their faces pop up on social media once in a while.

    Jadi panjang dehhh :3


      1. Alhamdulillah lo kagak yeee… Ga kayak temen2 gue yg relationship berasa harus ada audience-nya


      2. Amit amit kan. Makanya gw males bener dah sampe kaya gitu. Ya sesekali posting foto wajar lah tapi kalo sampe yg kayak pacaran social media banget keknya ngga banget deh…


  2. Crystal, Sometimes I am surprised of how open and easy people show their PDA as a couple online daily either generation Y or my own generation. Funny and shame thing is , I can see when such couples have a fight cause they hang their dirty laundry also online. Ngga perlu lah kaya gini.


    1. Hah kok sampe segitunya. Aku paling males kalo di Path sampe “listening to” lagu apa dan pacarnya di tag. Ada lho yg di Path aku udah putus tp masih friend tapi maen cela2an.


      1. Gue untungnya ga ada yang sampe selebay itu (kecuali si temen yg pamer pacar CIA) tapi ada yg tiap hari kalo ngepost di Path sampe ngetag cowonya pdhl cowonya ga ada di foto itu. Apaan sih 😒


      2. Ada temen di FB, sama suaminya (bukan pacar) lebaynya ya ampun. Pas dia lagi sakit dia post status my hubby bought me cough medicine trs fotonya mrk wefie (keliatan tangan si cewe yg megang hp) si cewe lg minum sirup batuknya disuapin si hubby 😱😱😱


      3. HAAAAAH ada? Ampun deh. Gw ada temen di Path, pacarnya jd temenan juga sama semua temennya. Padahal menurut gw wajar kok kalo circle of friends kita beda ama pacar. Pacaran sama seseorang bukan berarti dia tiba2 harus ngikut hangout sama temen2 kita juga kan. Iya jd gitu, tiap poto hangout pasti ada pacarnya jg disitu, gw liatnya jd risih.


      4. Speaking about this, jadi inget salah satu mantan teman di fesbuk (aih mantan – karena sudah di defriend) dia orang Indonesia yang pacaran sama orang sini. Udah seumuran aku sih, udah ada anak dari pernikahan sebelumnya, tapi dikit2 si pacarnya di tag, semua2 di tag, macem ABG kelakuannya. Males ngeliatnya


  3. Aku ini generasi apa ya? X berarti. Sebelum bener2 nikah, aku ga pernah pasang2 foto berdua. Ya apa yang mau dipasang juga ya, ga punya foto berdua haha. Selain itu, memang aku orangnya agak tertutup kalau menyangkut hubungan percintaan. Mana orang2 tahu kalo aku gagal kawin sampai 2 kali dengan 2 orang berbeda (padahal persiapannya sudah ok menjelang 2 bulan hari H), soalnya aku ga pernah pasang2 foto aku lagi dekat dengan siapa. Pas aku pasang foto kawin di FB banyak yang kaget. Ga pernah ada foto pacaran kok tiba2 kawin, sama bule pula. Banyak yang nyangka kawin kontrak haha. Sampai sekarang akupun ga ngerubah status FB jadi married, lha kan semua tau aku sudah kawin 😀 aku cuman nambahi status “a wife” di IG dan twitter tanpa ngetag suami padahal dia punya akun twitter dan IG. Kalo di Islam ada himbauan gini “tutupilah status lamaranmu, sebarkanlah status perkawinanmu karena ini adalah berita gembira dan untuk menghindarkan fitnah” jadi sebenarnya yang bisa kontrol mau share itu diri sendiri. Mikirnya musti panjang bukan hanya tentang saat ini saja. Gembira boleh saja, tapi tau batasannya.


    1. Semacam belajar dari kesalahan juga ya mbak… Aku juga enggak suka tuh semacam tebar2 lg deket ama siapa dll, ga pernah keliatan kan di IG? Facebook juga ga pernah, bahkan saking jarangnya posting foto ama cowok, giliran masukin foto ama cowok langsung dikomenin ini pacar apa bukan. Padahal ga tau aja biasanya cowo2 yg fotonya aku masukin di FB ya tandanya bukan cowo spesial, yang spesial itu ya yang gak dikasih liat ke orang2 :p (Rata2 orang2 ga mikir kek gini sayangnya)


      1. Bukan belajar dari kesalahan juga sih, karena dengan 2 mantan yang gagal kawin itu aku juga ga pernah pasang foto apapun disosial media. Hanya keluarga yang tau. Ya karena itu, aku tertutup soal hubungan percintaan. Soalnya aku berprinsip, pamali kasih tau sesuatu yang belum pasti. Pacaran kan belum pasti. Nah aku aja yang sudah lamaran trus menjelang kawin aja gagal. Ga ada yang pasti deh di dunia ini. Justru aku suka ketar ketir dengan mereka yang terlalu umbar status. Aku suka berdoa, semoga langgeng sampai kawin. Bener yang kamu bilang, yang spesial itu justru disimpan, ga perlu terlalu diumbar.

        Disukai oleh 1 orang

      2. Iya aku juga suka berdoa kayak gitu ke mereka yg doyan banget gembar gembor (walaupun biasanya kebalikannya). Kalo udah kayak gitu biasanya mikir kesian ni orang ga bisa belajar dari kesalahan yg dulu.

        Sayangnya gitu ya mbak. Dgn hebohnya media sosial sekarang, hubungan pacaran juga semacam harus ada “audience”-nya. Menurutku itu ga penting ah. Okelah misalnya nunjukin going steady dgn dateng ke acara bareng, tapi ya cukup itu doang. Gausah apa2 foto bareng trus dimasukin socmed. Ntar kesian kalo ga jadi, malah pait sendiri. Yang spesial itu emang yang ga diumbar tapi yang cuma dirasain ama dua belah pihak #cie #lagibijak

        Disukai oleh 1 orang

  4. “People begin to show their relationship on social media just for the sake of the likes and the comments. It’s not about the core of relationship anymore.”
    Aku setuju dengan kata-kata itu, Crys. Aku juga cukup sering dianggap “living under a rock” karena hanya punya FB, IG, and Twitter, but I’m fine and I’m happy with it.
    Aku sendiri juga kurang suka show-off kemana-mana soal hubunganku dengan seseorang. Kalau sesekali upload fotonya yah oke-oke saja. Engga sedikit yang bilang kalau aku ini engga bangga sama partnerku itu, dan IGku seharusnya penuh dengan foto-foto kami berdua. Bukannya aku engga bangga sama dia, tapi aku lebih suka menikmati apa yang aku jalani sama dia ya hanya sama dia saja. Memangnya segala sesuatu soal hidup aku harus diumbar-umbar ke sosmed? Kadang aku suka bingung masih ada orang yang berpikiran seperti itu, apa pikiran kita ini yang memang beda sama mereka ya Crys? Hahaha 😀

    Disukai oleh 1 orang

    1. Ada yang bilang, “birds of a feather flock together”. Pemikiran kita aja sih yang beda. Aku malah seneng banget sama pemikiran kamu yg kayak gini Wien. Iya. Sesekali update sih wajar. Tapi kalo keseringan ato lebay, itu baru ngga beres. Anyway, full of luck for your relationship, ya!


      1. Iya benar, birds of a feather flock together. Makasih Crys. Yes, sesuatu yang berlebihan biasanya tidak baik ya, hehe..
        Auw, bunch of thanks! Best of luck to you as well, Crys!


  5. Berhubung saya tidak sesosial itu :haha, jarang sih saya upload foto di Instagram atau Path. FB bahkan sudah tidak aktif lagi. Soal dating juga, berhubung jomblo, mau update foto dengan siapa? *tiba-tiba galau :haha, malah curhat, maapkeun yak*.
    Update menurut saya yang ideal ya sesekali saja, keseringan ya lebay juga jatuhnya, padahal tidak semua tempat yang kita datangi perlu diketahui orang :haha. Dipilah-pilahlah… :)).


  6. Here (in Scandinavia, mostly), a lot of people (my age, nonetheless – that’s mid 30s to you!) still do Facebook official thing. I find it immature. Sure, it’s nice when you put that “in relationship with…” status the first time, but what happens when it ends, since most relationships (if not marriage!) end at some point? Would it be heartbreaking to take off the status, then?

    As for social media official, I sort of did this by posting a picture of me and Scandi guy together when we were vacationing in Bali. Since I keep my FB circle to people that I do know IRL, most of them were already aware of the (new) relationship anyway, so it really didn’t come as surprise.

    Still, I had to erase / edit some comments because some people (most family members who don’t understand how facebook works) wrote certain kind of comments (that can be read by both sides), I’d prefer PM for those kind of questions, comments, thank you.

    It’s a hard world out there, the social media world. I am trying to tread it carefully.


    1. Waduh yang beginian ngetren juga di kalangan umur 30an? Ckckckck. Iya. Di Path-ku juga gitu, kalo lagi ngerasa lovey-dovey gimana gitu ama “significant other yg lagi deket” ya postingannya di protect jadi cuma kurang dari 10 orang yg bisa liat. Mereka2 ya emang bener2 temen dari lamaaaa banget.


  7. Tal sbg mantan pelaku {halah!} gua ngaku dulu yeeee 😆 Sama mantan terakhir gua juga begini sih, dikit2 laporan di socmed, mesra2an di socmed, kadang publish di blog, PDA abis lah. Sbg pasangan yang social circle-nya mirip2 di dunia nyata maupun dunia maya, ya kami pengen kasih statement aja ke orang banyak, “dia milik gue, jangan ganggu.” Shallow? Yes, it was 🙂 Tapi itu salah satu cara aman sih apalagi kami LDR-an.

    Trus pas udah putus kenapa foto2nya dihapus? Biar CEPET MOVE ON! Penting banget biar ga keinget2 sama kenangan2 manis pada waktu itu, yang bikin pengen balikan padahal masalah belum tentu kelar. Status2 yaudahlah ya biarin aja, udah kebanyakan 😆 Sekaligus untuk menghargai pasangan baru nantinya.


    1. Moral of the story: pas jadian jangan kebanyakan posting foto, biar amit2 kalo bubar jalan kaga nyesel xD ngapus foto di FB ga bisa ngapus kenangan di dunia nyata kan 😎


  8. What a smart piece of an article tal! 🙂

    My personal point of view, social media is like being alone in a crowd. Rame yang nge-like sih, but at the end of the day, what is really the point?

    Gue juga pernah liat, pasangan yang udah engaged, semangat banget post photos as a couple, lalu putus. Tiba2 cowonya 2 minggu kemudian udah punya cewek baru aja. Dia juga semangat banget post di insta sama cewe barunya! Apa maksudnya dong kemaren2 foto2 mesra dan dapet banyak ‘likes’ padahal maybe in reality, things are not going so well. Being proud of your significant other and wanting to share your happiness with your friends is one thing, but ‘oversharing’ I think shows a level of insecurity.

    Kalo soal hapus-ato-engga abis putus, hmm it’s tricky! If it was real memories and moments you would like to cherish, why delete? It was a part of you, part of your journey and growth.
    Your future partner should be mature enough to accept your past, ya ga sih? Tapi gue juga mikir, kalo nanti gue punya cowo yang pake socmed dan ga hapus foto2 bareng mantannya, perasaan gue gimana ya? Disrespected? Takut dibanding2in sama orang sekitar? Nanti temen & keluarga bilang ‘kok cowo lo masih simpen foto sama mantannya sih?’.
    I should hope that I will be secure enough with myself and my relationship with him.

    Gampang sih bilang, hapus aja memori di socmed biar lebih mudah melewati patah hati.. Tapiiiii, *sambil nyanyi dangdut dan joged* ‘sakitnya tuh disini… di dalam hatiku..’ Hahahaha 😉

    Again good job on the post! 🙂

    Disukai oleh 1 orang

    1. Thank you olip!!!! Iya, itu juga yg mau aku emphasize, bahwa hubungan jaman sekarang banyak yg di-treat kayak ada audiencenya. Salut banget sama pasangan2 yg bisa keep their relationship on a more private level.


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